ADD/ADHD Children

There are many theories about diagnosing a child with ADD / ADHD but the only way to be sure is to have a physician or therapist evaluate your child thoroughly. Once that has been done the next step is to discuss all the available options the physician may deem acceptable. There are many ways to help a child cope with ADD/ADHD other than medication, or in conjunction with medication. Discuss these options with the physician as well. The goal is to design an individualized plan to allow the child to excel in life, using the benefits of ADD /ADHD and helping the child overcome the negative aspects of it.

Some of the more obvious signs of ADD/ADHD are the inability to sit still, focus on anything for longer than a few moments, unable to be quiet for longer than a few seconds. These are all obvious signs that most people are aware of but there are other signs as well. An ADD/ADHD child is highly intelligent, very creative, thoughtful and sensitive to the environment around them. They pick up on and display emotions that are being demonstrated around them much more than the average child. A child with this syndrome tends to be easily upset, quick to anger and fear, have irrational fears and emotions and usually doesn’t have the ability to verbally communicate what he or she is feeling well enough for us to understand. Lot of time, the poor child does not understand what or why they are feeling the way they do so they cannot explain it to others. This is usually the source of the high level of frustration the child feels.

Most educators and physicians are very versed in the syndrome and have learned through years of experience how to help a family cope with most or all aspects of this syndrome. Use their knowledge and experience to your benefit. Ask questions, keep the lines of communication open, and don’t be defensive. You didn’t cause this, you are not in control of this but it is your responsibility to deal with it as best you can. You as a parent have the power to help your child be a better person. You have been blessed to have an extraordinary human being in your life.

I prefer to categorize children with ADD/ADHD as a difficult child. This does not mean that they are bad, stupid, untreatable, or unable to handle normal situations in life. What it means is that they are in need of extra care, more attention and a more focused approach to parenting. They require more detailed information in order to learn, more time and repetition to understand something and more forgiveness.

I have also learned that difficult children don’t necessarily have ADD /ADHD. There may be other syndromes or other learning disabilities going on with your child. Again, this is best diagnosed by a physician or therapist. There may not be any syndrome, disability or diagnosable problem with your child. He or she may just be a difficult child. If this is the case, deal with it as if there were a diagnosis, if that is what works. I have found that the guidelines I have adapted to my children’s lives, the lessons I am sharing with you also work with children who don’t have a diagnosable disability. You as a parent spend more time with your child than anyone else. You have spent that child’s entire life worrying and focusing on that child’s behavior, thought processes and emotional reactions, more than anyone else in the world. You have the most information about your child. Do not doubt that YOU are the expert when it comes to your child. Try out some of the things that I discuss in this blog and see if they have an effect.

Please share your findings, ask questions, post comments! We can all learn from each other’s experiences.

I have learned many things from my children. Things that I thought I had learned in their entirety. Boy was I wrong! I learned that I have a greater capacity for forgiveness and tolerance then I ever thought I would need, I have a stronger personality then I ever imagined. I am much more determined than I thought I could be and I am much more of a worry wart than I recognized.

I learned that my emotions have a physical effect on my children, that my choices greatly impact them and that I need to be much more aware of the consequences of those choices. This all sounds like common sense but believe me when I tell you that before children, I thought I had all this figured out.

One of the major discoveries is the fact that children in general do not rationalize the way that adults do; their brains are not fully developed until much later in life than I ever thought. I used to think that we learned through our experiences and that is how we developed common sense, ability to understand and make decisions. Let me tell you that this is not entirely correct. Yes, we learn from experiences and action – reaction. We learn from what we see but children do not rationalize the way adults do. Rational thinking is something that has to grow just like our legs must grow to their full length, our arms, our bodies to their full size and strength. So must the brain. This is something that adults either don’t realize or forget and because of that, there tends to be a lot more intolerance, frustration and discord than needs to be.

Children have a greater capacity to learn faster but they do not have the ability to rationalize what they learn to the extent that adults expect them to and with a difficult child this is more evident, more pronounced. Accepting that adults need to be a stronger guide and protector, a driving force in a child’s life can be daunting for the adult. It can be terrifying to realize the amount of attention and focus that needs to be put into all aspects of raising a child, especially a difficult one. There are so many experts with such wide ranging opinions on how to handle children that sometimes it becomes confusing and frustrating. There is much contradictory information out there. Over the years I have done lots of research and investigating on the subject of raising difficult children and specifically ADD/ADHD. I have found some very useful websites and I will be adding these links to my page as I am able to. Please feel free to do your own research to get a greater understanding of the issues you are dealing with.

Some symptoms that I have learned from my children actually make sense once you learn to recognize them. One very important one is the inability to quickly adapt to new situations or changes. Entering into a new environment or changing the schedule in more than a subtle way seemed to have a dramatic effect on my children. The level of engagement by the senses seems to determine the level of stress that he reacts to. An example is sound. If we were to go to a museum where there is little sound, my son would stay calmer and be able to listen to my directions much more quickly. If we were to go to a place that had a lot more sound; movie theaters, playgrounds, day care and similar situations seemed like sensory overload for him. He would become overanxious, skittish or jumpy, almost fearful or even angry. Sometimes he would enjoy the overstimulation for a short period of time, but all too quickly it would lead to overload. At that point it was almost like trying to stop a speeding train. Once he was on total overload he became almost impossible to control, redirect or calm. This in turn would usually be fed by my stress from having a crazed child on my hands. Remember, I said that these children are very intuitive and they react to the emotions and feelings coming from those around them. The more stressed I became the more hyper he would become, and vice-versa.

Another huge learning curve for me was the effect of scheduling and time. I found out that if I set a schedule for all activities of daily living, including school, meals, quiet time, playtime, chores and hygiene all aspects were accomplished much easier. My schedule was based on 15 minute increments. I started the day at 6 am and each activity was set within 15 or 30 minute increments until bed time. This did not mean that all activities had to be complete within that 15 or 30 minutes, it just gave a guideline to stay on track. Here is a simplefied example of my schedule.

I like to have specific chores for each child according to their abilities and when possible rotate chores between children on a weekly basis. Chores are very important to the child and to the family structure. I have found that if you give the child chores they feel included in the wellbeing of the family, more important as a member of this family and like they are contributing something needed. I also have found that children with chores are more responsible, better at time management and goal achievement and they develop a sense of pride in themselves that affects all aspects of their life.

For play time I like to have boundaries within this broad scope of activity. If it is nice outside, let them go outside. They don’t need to be given tasks or rules other than those that create a safe, secure environment or contribute to the use of their imagination. An example is to make clear how far they can go, where they can go and with whom. Pick up the toys and things to be put away once playtime is done.

For quiet time I prefer books, coloring or other activity that requires them to sit still, sit quietly and use their brains. I don’t think that TV is a good choice for this time of day because it is overstimulation and goes against the whole reason for quiet time.

I think that TV is something that is an enjoyable pastime for the family or as a group. Children and their friends enjoying a show while mom and dad handle adult responsibilities is fine, but plopping kids in front of the box with no notice as to what is on it is just asking for trouble. Unsupervised children in front of the TV may be presented with things that are above their understanding, inappropriate for their age, boring or just not something that they should be exposed to. I have a very important link in the above high-lighted phrase referring to a study done in the UK on the effects of TV on children. Please read it. If the show they are watching is not something that will keep their attention they will start to get into things they are not supposed to, start arguing with each other or any number of things that lead to a bad scenario. If the family chooses and watches a program together it opens up a chance for new ideas and conversation, discussions and learning opportunities shared by all.

One lesson I have learned from my children is that they have varying levels of difficulty with schedule changes. My older son seemed to handle them very well, but upon closer observation I realized that anything over 15 minutes would set him off. Because he was not hyper, and very introverted I thought he was handling changes pretty well, but I was wrong. He didn’t display the over-the-top stress, fear or frustration that my younger son did; instead he would have this look of shock on his face that I learned to recognize. He would become even more introverted, extremely shy and refuse to speak for long periods of time. I learned that during these times his mind was racing with thoughts, confusion and insecurity. He became unable to understand what the change might mean and what he should do about it. Once I recognized this in him I was able to take the time to prepare him by explaining what was going to happen and why – if I knew the change was going to take place before hand. If the change was unexpected then I have to take the time to explain what is happening and why if I can and explain what the changes will mean. I found that by doing this he was much more able to handle the changes without feeling shell-shocked.